You Have Permission

Well it happened. The flu caught up with me this week. I was really hoping I could out run it, but it seems that everyone I've been around has had it this year! Thankfully with the help of some awesome home remedies (bone broth, ginger/tumeric tinctures, tea, elderberry, zinc, sleep, epsom salt baths, oils, and lots of water) it didn't stay for too long! 

The rest and extra time this week allowed me some time and space to think. It had me thinking about "permission" and affirmation. Though I was very sick and craved the time just to rest, it was as if this guilt started to creep over me. Guilt that I had to scramble to find subs for my classes, guilt that me not teaching means not making money this week which means not contributing to our household financially, guilt that there was so much to get done at home yet I didn't have the energy to do it, and shame that in the same week I announced my certification as a health coach, my immune system couldn't hold up to the flu. It was like I needed permission to be sick, to rest, and to be still. I craved someone to say, "You're sick. It's okay to do nothing else but to let your body heal." Thankfully, I have an amazing close circle and they said those very things.

So why is it that we feel this guilt and pressure? Why can't we be at peace with taking time to rest and heal? Why are 'sick days' or even play days so shame-inducing? I think there are a lot of reasons; and different reasons of course for each of us. On a societal level, I think we have created work monsters out of people! With full access via phone and email, work often comes home with us and can reach us at all hours. This isn't entirely bad, however, if there is no time to rest, play, and create, it can be very damaging. I think there are oftentimes abusive power situations in the workplace, and guilt and shame are caused when pride propels power. (I am so very thankful to work in the field I am incredibly passionate about. Being a dance teacher is so life giving, and I'm thankful for bosses who allow me to be human; healthy or sick. If you hate your job, I would encourage you to rethink spending so much time doing something that is not life-giving.)

Money. I think this one is one of the driving factors for this kind of guilt. For me, if I don't teach, I do not get paid. Money can be tight being an artist, and though I wouldn't trade being a performer and teacher, not working can cause stress. This is when I have to step back and remember what 'wealth' really looks like. Yes, it's important to pay our bills and have what we need. However, so many of us have so much more than we need, yet we always feel the need for 'more' and it becomes a dangerous cycle. Wealth and poverty look very different around the world. I do not believe that if we have money we should feel guilt or shame about it, but I do believe (and am striving to always get better at..) that if we are given a little extra wealth in the form of money, we can use it to bless others; whether that means financially, with hospitality, or whatever other creative or generous means. So what does wealth really mean for me when I step back and look from a wide lens? It means family. A truly good and faithful husband. Rich, real relationships. Joy. Sharing meals. Laughter. Dancing. Teaching and sharing my passion. Health. Helping others. Camping and exploring. Climbing and jumping. Cooking. Hugs. My sweet pup. Receiving love. And so much more. When I start to be tempted into believing the lie of scarcity, may I step back and remember all of these things that make me such a 'wealthy' person. 

The 'superhero' complex. We are told to 'be strong.' Or that we can 'handle it.' We are told to 'man up.' Our country's advertising loves us to believe that we are 'self-made' or 'independent.' When we stop to really think about these words, I think we can see how damaging it is to believe that we do not need each other, that we are our own strength, or that we can do everything. I too have been sucked into this lie many times. I think this is the one that pulls at me to clean, fold laundry, or answer emails when what I really need is to sleep and take care of my sick body. I think this is the lie that makes moms think they should be able to do it all, or makes husbands think they can't show tears, or makes students fall into the trap of perfectionism, or makes a dancer or athlete think that they should just ignore their injuries and keep pushing... Anything sound familiar? Usually when we believe these lies, we end up acting out of prideful, selfish, and damaging intentions, which lead to empty, hurtful, and lonely results. This idea that we don't need each other, or we don't need time to rest and be still is ultimately fatal. 

The truth is, we were made for human connection and relationship. We need each other. Life can throw really hard things at us, and sometimes, it's more than we can handle alone. I truly believe that in order to live fully and joyfully, we are only able to do so through God's grace and through honest, vulnerable relationships with others. Imagine a world where humans loved themselves and others well; and I mean actually well, not in the selfish and damaging lies that we like to call 'self-care.' I mean "well" as in people who engage in generosity, hospitality, creativity, play, time to be slow and still, healthy living, and people who truly live out of love. 

Still need permission? I'll give it to you. You have permission to pursue a healthy lifestyle, because you will feel your best and have energy which leads to you better loving your families and people around you. Therefore, you have permission to say no to things that you know are harmful for your body and mind. You have permission to take time to slow down and breathe, because in doing so, you will respond with wisdom, not feel rushed, and make smarter decisions. You have permission to be kind and gentle. This does not make you weak. And in kindness and humility, you have permission to stand up for what you know is right. You have permission to sleep; to not be kept up at night by racing thoughts or worries, because no one will truly benefit by anyone else losing sleep. You have permission to rest and be still; not in the lazy-eat crappy, not real food that will make you cranky-binge on trashy shows that help no one- kind of way, but in the slow down, smell the flowers, read a book, take a bath, look people in the eyes, smile, healthy kind of way. (And of course a lazy night in itself should not be full of guilt either. Sometimes some popcorn and a movie is totally necessary in the fun-having kind of way!) You have permission to ask for forgiveness, and to extend forgiveness. You have permission to forgive yourself; and truly move forward, not punishing yourself in any way. You have permission to show up for yourself and others; physically, emotionally, and mentally. To be present and vulnerable, even when it's scary. You have permission to be curious and ask questions; not ones which are pointed or manipulative, but questions coming from humble curiosity. You have permission to ask for help; you don't have to do everything on your own, and it's okay if you don't get your whole to-do list done. You have permission to be sad, mad even. But not in the self or others hurting, violent, or toxic kind of way. Rather, to be truly sad or mad, sit with those emotions, work through them with someone safe, and be gentle with yourself when you feel them; allowing them to be really felt, and not judged. You have permission to have fun! Take a vacation! Camp! Play! Enjoy! What kind of life is it to not laugh or play every day, at least in some way? Life truly lived is joyful; therefore, you have permission to have joy, even in the midst of grief.

And you have permission to give others this kind of permission. May we encourage each other, love well, receive love with open arms, excite one another, be creators and makers, dance and sing, rest and be still, seek health and wellness, be generous, share food and stories, take time for children, enjoy creating in the kitchen, learn with humility, teach with grace, and continually pursue the love that only God can truly fill us with. You are loved.